Why Do People Cheat?

In any relationship, there is the possibility of one partner succumbing to temptation. This could be due to boredom, incompatibility, distance or several other factors. None of them is excusable, but when dealing with a loaded situation, it is essential to understand what propelled the partner to look outside. Psychologist Deepti Makhija throws light on why men and women end up cheating on their partner.

Tendency Of Reactive Behavior

Quarrels are common in a marriage. But when a quarrel gets out of hand and one partner is left feeling hurt, he/she may take an extreme step like cheating as they feel they've been denied love. "The moments of vulnerability after a quarrel are very delicate. In such a situation, cheating is more like reactive behaviour than proactive behaviour," says Makhija. "People must take help from third parties such as friends and family. But they are so consumed in being reactive, that they forget to seek help. They jump at the first opportunity that promises them love. They result is something that they regret later."

Ego Boosters

Taking your partner for granted in a marriage can be one of the biggest mistakes you commit. After many years into the relationship, couples don't think it's important to complement each other on a new dress, a new hair style, new make-up, etc. Because your partner does not appreciate your efforts to look good, a feeling creeps in that you are no longer attractive to the opposite sex. So when someone shows interest, not only would you react, but you may take the plunge to boost your ego and feel good about yourself.

Growing Apart

Certain couples may have grown apart in their marriage. They become immune to each other's company and their partner doesn't excite them emotionally and sexually. But they may still continue their relationship for the sake of their children or financial stability. Missing out on the love factor, such a couple is very likely to go looking for love in another place. They may be convinced in their own way that it's a win-win situation that they are in. The truth may be far from it.

Opportunity Knocking

People may get opportunities on business trips, parties or other outings where they may get intimate with the opposite sex. Some may know where to draw the line and others may take advantage of the situation. Makhija terms this behaviour as thrill-seeking. "Every individual is accountable for his/her actions," says Makhija. "No one can force you to have one night stands. You are fully conscious of your actions if you are indulging in a one night stand. These momentary slip-ups, if not discovered, can hook a person into a vicious cycle of thrillseeking opportunities."

You Were Forgiven In The Past

Often, the cheating partner tends to lose respect for their spouse if they have forgiven them after one bout of infidelity. They may continue to cheat because they know their spouse is going to take them back eventually. Before forgiving a partner, it's important to reflect on your marriage and recognise other issues which might have led to infidelity indirectly. Only after serious introspection, you must decide whether to continue with the relationship.

(Article Published in TOI)